This whole thing totally made me sad. I just don't know how to fix everything. Counting days for the big day that come closer for another 64 days. I just felt everything isn't right. Almost every night I kept on crying, thinking how to solve this in the best way, how to go through the big day's preparation all by my own. And its not surprising me that I knew long time ago, after all its always be me, myself.
I am seriously looking forward to the big day. Wanted to be with him, cuddling, hoping for soothing words, to forget everything. Wish that I could easily erase it.
Seeing all this thing by myself was even more hurt. What mostly hurt me was acting like I didn't know anything. Feeling helpless for not capable to clear the air.
Honestly, I am afraid for the future. And honestly, I am not the tough person as people see me.
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